We are almost at the end of our first week of hosting and have seen so many changes. D is smiling more and has begun to laugh out loud at times and tease back Sam and Emily. The challenge I have begun to encounter has nothing to do with a difficult behavior or personality conflict-- he fits into our home like he's always been here. Instead, it's viewing situations through a new lense.
The conversation was innocent enough with the ladies, but it was almost more than I could handle. It all centered around having the right opportunity for my child with a sport -- how this potential opportunity would open doors, allow my child to progress and play the sport in high school, would be more competitive, give my child an edge. All I could think about was D. He plays this sport with his friends at school. There isn't any official team. No slick uniforms, parents cheering on from a sideline or a trophy at the end of a season. All of a sudden it seemed ridiculous and unfair to me to be having a conversation about bettering my child with this opportunity when I have a beautiful, gifted young man in front of me without half of that opportunity available.
I went to my van and cried.
If this conversation had transpired one month ago, I would have been fine. I would have been following the same line of thought, considering the same advantages. Now I had a heat spreading through me and wave of tense knowledge as I realized there is no easy or quick fix. It isn't fair. It just isn't. And this is just how it is.
I can't unsee how I see things. We've only had one week together, but I feel fairly certain that I will never look through my old lense the same way again.
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