Tomorrow is the big day-- D arrives. He left for the airport at 4 am his time (8 pm our time) today. His new flannel sheets are washed and on his bed. His clothes are washed and put away in his dresser. Three of his four gifts are waiting under the tree, and those gifts have been the most challenging part of preparing for his return. Our family simplified gift giving last year and decided to use the same system again this year: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.
Read? English is his second language. We debated ordering Harry Potter in his language, but after texting with him, were thrilled to discover that he likes "Greg's Diary" in English. So Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are wrapped and waiting.
Want? Who knows what he really wants. He asked for a shirt that says "Captain Crazy" on it. (Thank you Doris at Winning Stitch-- it's perfect!). And he would like a package of Whoppers. He refuses to commit to any other gift idea or hope for a gift. Maybe he feels uncomfortable suggesting a gift. Maybe it's just awkward. I can't pretend to know. We spent five weeks with him this summer, but only now are really getting to know more about what he thinks and feels.
Wear? I almost teared up walking into a department store and being helped by a teenage boy with the same pants size and haircut. A few shirts are wrapped under the tree, but the majority of his clothes are waiting for him in his dresser.
Need? This gift has yet to be purchased. I don't know what he needs. At our initial hosting, I thought he needed many things, but I didn't really understand his situation. I probably still don't completely grasp the reality of his life. I believe he needs more people in his corner-- to believe in him, encourage him and just love him through his teen years. Because really, the teen years are hard enough on their own.
The only thing D has asked for is if we will bring coffee for him to the airport. He doesn't want to be sleepy on the way home, but wants to stay up and visit. This time tomorrow we'll be settling back in with him at home. Looking forward to the 4 weeks ahead!
Friday, December 9, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
When It Isn't What I Hoped For
The past several months have been ones where I have hung on tightly to my faith, believing that we were called to a specific child for a specific purpose. I still believe we've been called to this child, but the path isn't the one I envisioned. Can I just level with you? I don't have a clue as to what God's doing here.
Was this to simply love on this child for a brief time?
Was it to make us more sensitive to those who are vulnerable and to families in the adoption process?
Was it so that he'll have two more people in the world who pray for him each and every morning at breakfast and each night when we tuck in our other three?
Was it to teach us generosity when we briefly peered over a ledge of financial uncertainty-- realizing we'd never accomplish this on our own? Because I swear I will never be apathetic towards anyone fundraising for an adoption ever again.
Was it to show us that God's best might not be in line with what we think is best?
Was it to guard the heart of the one who has taken care of him for so very long?
I really don't know.
Here's what I do know. This beautiful boy is loved by people on two continents.This entire situation doesn't surprise God. I kind of wish it did--- but it doesn't. We were showered with support from some of the most unexpected of friends and family and I don't take that for granted.
He isn't gone forever-- he just won't live here with us. And I can be good with that most days if he's happy. And hopefully as time passes, I can be good with that every day.
Was this to simply love on this child for a brief time?
Was it to make us more sensitive to those who are vulnerable and to families in the adoption process?
Was it so that he'll have two more people in the world who pray for him each and every morning at breakfast and each night when we tuck in our other three?
Was it to teach us generosity when we briefly peered over a ledge of financial uncertainty-- realizing we'd never accomplish this on our own? Because I swear I will never be apathetic towards anyone fundraising for an adoption ever again.
Was it to show us that God's best might not be in line with what we think is best?
Was it to guard the heart of the one who has taken care of him for so very long?
I really don't know.
Here's what I do know. This beautiful boy is loved by people on two continents.This entire situation doesn't surprise God. I kind of wish it did--- but it doesn't. We were showered with support from some of the most unexpected of friends and family and I don't take that for granted.
He isn't gone forever-- he just won't live here with us. And I can be good with that most days if he's happy. And hopefully as time passes, I can be good with that every day.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Getting Ready for Christmas
The "see you later" in July was one of the hardest experiences I had ever had, but the anticipation of D's arrival for Christmas is a great feeling. Greg has been doing extra IT work on the side, friends and family have given us financial gifts towards hosting, "Realty Executives Cooper Spransy" in Madison, Wisconsin has sponsored an amazing grant via Project 143, a local church is doing a chili lunch fundraiser for us in October and I'm subbing my tail off to fly one of our favorite people in the world from Eastern Europe to Chicago this December for four weeks. We can't wait to see him!
There has so much happening behind the scenes and a lot of it we aren't free to disclose--yet. But we look forward to doing so very soon. God is at work and the reassurance we have received is completely of Him. I am a worrywart by nature and a lack of planning and schedule drives me absolutely bonkers. We still feel led step by step in the direction we are going. I remember a sermon Scott Sims did several years back about faith and compared it to taking a walk in the dark with a flashlight: you can only see so far, yet you keep going. We definitely feel that we are walking a flashlight journey at the moment, but we know who we're following and that settles my heart unlike anything else can.
There is a sense of joy and gratitude that has lingered since July, even on the hard days. So many of you have told us that you are praying for our family and for D and for that we say, "Thank you!". We feel it. We really do! Looking forward to sharing more updates as we are able.
There has so much happening behind the scenes and a lot of it we aren't free to disclose--yet. But we look forward to doing so very soon. God is at work and the reassurance we have received is completely of Him. I am a worrywart by nature and a lack of planning and schedule drives me absolutely bonkers. We still feel led step by step in the direction we are going. I remember a sermon Scott Sims did several years back about faith and compared it to taking a walk in the dark with a flashlight: you can only see so far, yet you keep going. We definitely feel that we are walking a flashlight journey at the moment, but we know who we're following and that settles my heart unlike anything else can.
There is a sense of joy and gratitude that has lingered since July, even on the hard days. So many of you have told us that you are praying for our family and for D and for that we say, "Thank you!". We feel it. We really do! Looking forward to sharing more updates as we are able.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Bracelets
On the 4th of July, our family went to the annual parade with our guest, D, who was staying with us for the summer. He had never celebrated the 4th in the US and all of our traditions became more meaningful to us as we shared them with him. At the parade, the kids caught candy, trinkets, pencils and popsicles. Leaving the parade, D had a bracelet on his wrist that he hadn't had earlier. The cloth band had the acrostic "P.U.S.H". He wore the bracelet almost the entire length of his stay with us.
At the pool a few weeks later, I mentioned this to my friend. "What does P.U.S.H mean?" I asked. I wasn't even sure who had thrown it during the parade route. Republicans? Democrats? Karate group? Who knew. After googling results, my friend read results aloud: Pressure Ulcer Scale for Healing-- no. Partnership for Urban South Hampshire (UK), unlikely. "Pray until something happens":yes.
In almost every picture of him, he's wearing that bracelet. I'm not sure as he knows what it stands for-- whether it just reminds him of attending the parade together that day, or he likes the look or feel of it. I don't know.
Tonight a friend handed me a bracelet of my own, with the simple word "hope" on it. It ties into the meaning of D's bracelet. I have hope that good things are ahead for him, that God has put something on our hearts for a reason, that so many people who care about him are going to accomplish great things.
As I wear my bracelet tonight, I wonder if he is still wearing his too.
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,"
Emily Dickinson
At the pool a few weeks later, I mentioned this to my friend. "What does P.U.S.H mean?" I asked. I wasn't even sure who had thrown it during the parade route. Republicans? Democrats? Karate group? Who knew. After googling results, my friend read results aloud: Pressure Ulcer Scale for Healing-- no. Partnership for Urban South Hampshire (UK), unlikely. "Pray until something happens":yes.
In almost every picture of him, he's wearing that bracelet. I'm not sure as he knows what it stands for-- whether it just reminds him of attending the parade together that day, or he likes the look or feel of it. I don't know.
Tonight a friend handed me a bracelet of my own, with the simple word "hope" on it. It ties into the meaning of D's bracelet. I have hope that good things are ahead for him, that God has put something on our hearts for a reason, that so many people who care about him are going to accomplish great things.
As I wear my bracelet tonight, I wonder if he is still wearing his too.
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,"
Emily Dickinson
Thursday, August 4, 2016
A hard "see you later"
Our guest left on Sunday and it was so very hard. The morning was teary before we left, the ride to O'Hare was subdued, but okay. It was after he got in line to check his bag that something I had never experienced before rose up in me. I know we promised his country that we would send him back, but in that moment, I didn't know if I could physically let him go.
The "see you later" at the airport was so hard-- difficult enough that people actually stared. On the ride home Sam and Em were pretty emotional, while Brenna remained stoic and asked when we could stop for a treat. Oh, the levity she lends to every situation ;) It felt like someone had died when we went into the boys' room and saw the empty bed, when I found a stray sock of his in the laundry, when I saw his containers of applesauce in the refrigerator, his bananas on the counter that totally gross out Sam. I actually found myself listening to his national anthem on Youtube during my morning walk, which felt pitiful to do, but made me feel better somehow.
And yet, God is at work in this. Oh, is He ever. We are being stretched and grown in faith and trust in a way we have never experienced before as we follow into unfamiliar territory. There is a new sense of gratitude for time together, for the little things we enjoy, for getting to have an amazing summer with him. We are hopeful that our guest can return to spend December with us and until then, we pray over him with a new fervor. Will you pray for him too?
The "see you later" at the airport was so hard-- difficult enough that people actually stared. On the ride home Sam and Em were pretty emotional, while Brenna remained stoic and asked when we could stop for a treat. Oh, the levity she lends to every situation ;) It felt like someone had died when we went into the boys' room and saw the empty bed, when I found a stray sock of his in the laundry, when I saw his containers of applesauce in the refrigerator, his bananas on the counter that totally gross out Sam. I actually found myself listening to his national anthem on Youtube during my morning walk, which felt pitiful to do, but made me feel better somehow.
And yet, God is at work in this. Oh, is He ever. We are being stretched and grown in faith and trust in a way we have never experienced before as we follow into unfamiliar territory. There is a new sense of gratitude for time together, for the little things we enjoy, for getting to have an amazing summer with him. We are hopeful that our guest can return to spend December with us and until then, we pray over him with a new fervor. Will you pray for him too?
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
July 4th
We celebrated July 4th with D this week. For the record, July 4th is my absolute favorite holiday. I love that there are no social expectations--- just spending time with friends and continuing traditions. One of our traditions is attending the parade. I love knowing that every year the Republicans throw tootsie rolls and the Democrats have the awesome jazz band. There will be many princesses, old tractors and the horses will be last. (Okay, maybe there are some expectations after all ;).
D was quiet throughout the parade and somewhat stoic. Then he saw the vehicle with the puppets. There are little things like that he gets so excited about and it cracks me up.
We enjoyed dinner with some neighbors and then ended our evening at the airport for fireworks. He has been in the US before for July 4th, but had never seen a larger firework display. We arrived an hour early to grab a spot and settle in. He was quiet throughout, but said that he really liked it, that it was "big". He remained stoic when as soon as it ended Sam instructed him, "Run, D! Now we have to try to get out of the parking lot!" He looked at me and I told him that the challenge is not to lose your religion while navigating your minivan out of the airport after the fireworks. He quickly snagged 2 chairs and jogged behind Greg to the van. Five minutes later we were headed home-- record time!
He has started to call me "Mom" and Greg "Dad". I don't know what he thinks or feels when he uses those names for us, if they affect him like they do us. I love hearing him say it and I love having him here. It feels very simple when it's just the six of us but quickly becomes complicated when we add others to the mix. There's still a preference to stick closer to home and not venture out too far or for too long, which is completely fine. We're enjoying our time together.
D was quiet throughout the parade and somewhat stoic. Then he saw the vehicle with the puppets. There are little things like that he gets so excited about and it cracks me up.
We enjoyed dinner with some neighbors and then ended our evening at the airport for fireworks. He has been in the US before for July 4th, but had never seen a larger firework display. We arrived an hour early to grab a spot and settle in. He was quiet throughout, but said that he really liked it, that it was "big". He remained stoic when as soon as it ended Sam instructed him, "Run, D! Now we have to try to get out of the parking lot!" He looked at me and I told him that the challenge is not to lose your religion while navigating your minivan out of the airport after the fireworks. He quickly snagged 2 chairs and jogged behind Greg to the van. Five minutes later we were headed home-- record time!
He has started to call me "Mom" and Greg "Dad". I don't know what he thinks or feels when he uses those names for us, if they affect him like they do us. I love hearing him say it and I love having him here. It feels very simple when it's just the six of us but quickly becomes complicated when we add others to the mix. There's still a preference to stick closer to home and not venture out too far or for too long, which is completely fine. We're enjoying our time together.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Two views side by side
We are almost at the end of our first week of hosting and have seen so many changes. D is smiling more and has begun to laugh out loud at times and tease back Sam and Emily. The challenge I have begun to encounter has nothing to do with a difficult behavior or personality conflict-- he fits into our home like he's always been here. Instead, it's viewing situations through a new lense.
The conversation was innocent enough with the ladies, but it was almost more than I could handle. It all centered around having the right opportunity for my child with a sport -- how this potential opportunity would open doors, allow my child to progress and play the sport in high school, would be more competitive, give my child an edge. All I could think about was D. He plays this sport with his friends at school. There isn't any official team. No slick uniforms, parents cheering on from a sideline or a trophy at the end of a season. All of a sudden it seemed ridiculous and unfair to me to be having a conversation about bettering my child with this opportunity when I have a beautiful, gifted young man in front of me without half of that opportunity available.
I went to my van and cried.
If this conversation had transpired one month ago, I would have been fine. I would have been following the same line of thought, considering the same advantages. Now I had a heat spreading through me and wave of tense knowledge as I realized there is no easy or quick fix. It isn't fair. It just isn't. And this is just how it is.
I can't unsee how I see things. We've only had one week together, but I feel fairly certain that I will never look through my old lense the same way again.
The conversation was innocent enough with the ladies, but it was almost more than I could handle. It all centered around having the right opportunity for my child with a sport -- how this potential opportunity would open doors, allow my child to progress and play the sport in high school, would be more competitive, give my child an edge. All I could think about was D. He plays this sport with his friends at school. There isn't any official team. No slick uniforms, parents cheering on from a sideline or a trophy at the end of a season. All of a sudden it seemed ridiculous and unfair to me to be having a conversation about bettering my child with this opportunity when I have a beautiful, gifted young man in front of me without half of that opportunity available.
I went to my van and cried.
If this conversation had transpired one month ago, I would have been fine. I would have been following the same line of thought, considering the same advantages. Now I had a heat spreading through me and wave of tense knowledge as I realized there is no easy or quick fix. It isn't fair. It just isn't. And this is just how it is.
I can't unsee how I see things. We've only had one week together, but I feel fairly certain that I will never look through my old lense the same way again.
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