While cleaning out a closet last week, I found a creased and stapled packet of papers with "Brenna Kaurin" printed on the first page: it was her IEP from 2007. Some of the goals included trying to help her mimic speech by repeating what others said, using pictures to indicate wants and reduce tantrums, to learn turn taking, find ways to help her refrain from running away and use a tissue when appropriate.
She has come a long way. And yet, we still have further to go. This week her Dad and I made our decision official and shared with her teacher that we wanted to enroll her in Armstrong School next fall. This decision has been nothing short of excruciating.
I toured the facility back in February and mentally prepared myself to have an open mind and see it through an unbiased viewpoint. But when I walked into the room of older students, preparing for job interviews and honing work skills, panic coiled in my belly. It wasn't the setting, but rather it was the reminder of what we are working towards: someday Brenna will be an adult and will need to have supportive people and an engaging activity, like a job, to feel fulfilled.
Coming home, my mind raced. She could be content at the Middle School. It would feel so normal to just drop her off there each morning and pick her up at the conclusion of her school day. It would feel very typical to progress to the same school as all of her classmates, with no major differences, aside from hair twisting, redirected conversations, adapted curriculum and an IEP with LBS1 instruction.
However, for me to continue in my pursuit of the typical for typical's sake would be a disservice to her at this point. Greg and I realize she needs a chance to start working on life skills in a setting where she isn't behind everyone else, but neck and neck with them.
It's hard to engage in full inclusion from kindergarten to 6th grade, only to find we are now at a point where those familiar peers will keep moving to the right, while our path diverges and we shift left towards a new school with new friends. And though this choice is ours, it is not an easy one. I know that at this point, it is likely that her other peers with special needs will continue on to the Middle School, where their families feel they will best learn and grow at this point. I completely respect their decision.
Today is Autism Awareness Day. Perhaps what I have become most aware of in my parenting journey is that everyone has different needs. There isn't a "one size fits all" educational approach or life approach. Truly, it is a moment by moment, trusting your gut, white knuckled grip of a ride.
Wear blue today, but don't forget the compassion and patience to go with it. And after the shirt has hit the hamper tonight, keep the open mind.
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