He's Got This

On Thursday, I dropped the children off at school with a big wave and smile. "Have a great day! Have fun at Girls on the Run! Don't forget your binder..." sounding so normal, so predictable, so ordinary. Then I came home, leaned over the kitchen counter and sobbed. The dog looked at me, sighed as if to say "Here we go again" and climbed into the bay window, waiting for Greg, who does not sob in the kitchen, to come home from work in 8 hours.

I felt overwhelmed: surgery was two weeks away, the dryer was broken, the bathroom wastebasket smelled like poop and Sam's favorite shirt had a stain. For five minutes I let it all out: the fear of surgery and complications, the fact that it was rainy and the clothes would not dry on the line, the lament that there forever is a poop smell in at least one room of my house, and that the shirt was going to have to go into the trash.

Having reached a numb point of acceptance of all of these things, I checked Facebook, only to find a message from the pastor of our "home away from home" church. He just wanted me to know that his family was aware of the date for Brenna's surgery and that they were praying. Seeing that made all of the difference. He had never sent me a message on Facebook before and when I looked at the timestamp, it was sent at the exact moment I began my sobbing lament over the toast crumbs on the kitchen counter.

I have seen God show up in the most obvious and amazing ways in the past two weeks, through checks in the mail, to the van window opening and closing again, learning that Brenna can be sedated for the most traumatic parts of her testing and having the surgery date move up from February to September.

Seeing the message on Facebook was like hearing Him whisper, "Hey. I said I've got this and I meant it."

The dryer still isn't fixed. I bleached out the bathroom wastebasket and for at least a few hours, my home will not smell like poop. Sam's shirt is still a lost cause. But I have peace. And He's got this.