Setbacks & Progress

Today started out so well, with Brenna sleeping soundly through most of the night and taking oral medicine, but by late morning the day had turned a different direction. Brenna had oral pain medication last night and tolerated it, but when she received another dose in the morning, it was followed shortly after by vomiting. She wasn't able to absorb all of the pain medication and when Greg stepped out later to switch the laundry on the 5th floor, she began to thrash in her bed and attempt to roll over.

Right now it is imperative that her spine remains straight and I had flat out panic when she began to yell and thrash. As far as we are concerned, we haven't come this far to have the wheels fall off now. Brenna's voice didn't sound at all like her and she was insisting she needed to get up to use the bathroom, despite the foley catheter still in place. I had put down her side rail earlier to hold the bucket for her and now couldn't reach across the bed to pull it back up. Asking her to relax and lay flat, I tried to partially lay across her to keep her from getting up and reached for the call button. She knocked the bucket from the edge of her bed and began to slide her leg off the bed towards the floor. Two nurses immediately came into the room to assist and supported her with pillows into a more stable position instead of the one she had tried to roll to.

It felt like too much and it felt too hard and I hung my head over the side of her bed railing and cried. Tim, with PT, came in for her scheduled noon therapy. "Well, I think we should hold off on therapy until later. We need to get pain and nausea under control and then take it from there. I'm not worried about her. She wants to do this and I know she will do this as soon as she feels good enough." He clapped my shoulder, "Hang in there, mama." 

I nodded, laid my head back on the rail and kept crying. It felt good to let it out and it felt good to be surrounded by nurses and PTs who weren't bothered by my emotions. I didn't want the new student nurse with pitying, clucking sounds anywhere near me. I wanted the no-nonsense, tough smiling nurses who have seen it all and know that it gets better.

Because it has to get better. It really does. The panic of not being able to care for her on my own at home has to be put aside, because as Greg reminds me, she is going to continue to get better and she won't be at this plateau a week from now. She is so ready to get better and when we clear the tummy hurdle, we all have the sense that she is going to take off.

A few hours later, pain management in check, she sat up in the wheelchair for an hour and Greg wheeled her down to the garden. I was still wimping out and hiding with a cappucino in the cafeteria when he texted me about her progress. Greg would make a great nurse, but I don't think I would last a day. She smiled when we pulled up Sam and Emily on the laptop screen for a Google Hangout and smiled again when she listened to Grandma and then Jennifer on the phone. So we begin late morning with a bang and wrap up our day with a quieter, more comfortable Brenna in her bed. I believe tomorrow will be the day of improvement :o)