Brenna continues to get stronger each day. Her language continues to surprise us and she is more alert, quick to smile and just seems more comfortable over the last several days.
The flip side to Brenna's recovery, has been a short temper and screaming. I have started to put up firmer boundaries with her and have taken the stance of "no negotiating with terrorists" approach. When your child has been through so much and a corner of your brain whispers to your soul that you could really lose her, you tend to let a lot of things slide that you normally wouldn't put up with. Recovery has been tough and she's earned the right to be a stinker, to some extent.
We reached a low point last week in a store when she became irritated that I was buying a fitted sheet for her ghost costume since there were no flat sheets available. After screaming "no", she slapped herself in the face. Self injurious behavior is her way of saying "I am really this furious with you and frustrated with life in general". I understand that she is having a hard time with her emotions, but her outbursts irritate and frighten me at the same time. My worst fear is that someone will think I hit her. In other words, if you want to try a new mommy, keep it up and the good State of Illinois may make it very possible for you to have that opportunity.
Her moods have been a big struggle for me and I began to feel depressed over the past week and a half. This week has been good though, with several outings to the store. Wal-Mart has never been a favorite of mine, but we have shopped there a few times, solely because they have awesome wheelchairs available just inside the front door.
Over the past two days, Brenna's movements have become less stiff and she seems more comfortable. We are going to try sending her back to school for 1/2 days in the near future, possibly as soon as next week.
Sam is very careful with Brenna in a way that he never was before. He and Emily are always aware that she needs a clear path to walk on and that there are certain movements she is not allowed to do. Emily has been wonderful about alerting me if Brenna is trying to get out of bed on her own and the fact that they share a room has been a blessing; having that second set of eyes on her has been a Godsend. Sam and Emily have gone through the past month with flying colors. I know it hasn't been easy on them, but they have been supportive of Brenna and haven't complained about the time Greg and I were away. I think the week with my mom let them escape some of the tension and stress that was a part of the family home as we navigated through pre-op and all of the fears of what was ahead. I'm just feeling so thankful to be on this side of it and 1 day closer to a full recovery.
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