Setting Up The Pins

I can get really hung up on timelines. I want to know what is happening and when. As Brenna has recovered from her surgery, there is an urgency to hear how quickly or slowly others have healed from the same procedure. I could pretend that the nosiness is from what to expect along the way, but part of it is to formulate a new timeline in my head to plan off of. How long until I can substitute teach again? When can I make solid plans to travel and watch Greg run in Indy? Is it possible to leave for our anniversary, or are we homebound this year? None of these plans really include the entire family, they are all "Joy plans", solely for my hapiness.

Today was supposed to be Brenna's first day back at school and we were on target for that, until she threw up yesterday afternoon. Greg has a busy work week ahead of him and won't be around much and that leaves Brenna and I together, watching Mr. Bean's Holiday.

I am tired of watching Mr. Bean. I am tired of washing bedding. I am tired of buying Depends in a ladies small and having the cashier make assumptions about my bladder control. I am tired of doing mundane things that feel very trivial and unimportant.

Sara Groves says it best in her song "Setting Up The Pins".
Everyone everywhere some way some how/ are setting up the pins for knocking em down/ you can find joy in the fertile ground/ setting up the pins and knocking em down/ you can try to fight it till your anger drowns/ setting up the pins/ my grandmother had a working song/ hummed it low all day long/ sing for the beauty that's to be found/ in setting up the pins for knocking em down.

Motherhood can often feel exactly like this song. I could get very preachy and tell you at this point to find contentment, focus on God, count your blessings, but I'm not going there this morning. Sometimes we have to arrive at that conclusion as the lone sailor on the slow boat to China.

However, I will tell you what the pins I have set up mean to me today. Watching Mr. Bean with Brenna means she is again enjoying the things that she loves and that she is feeling so much better. The bedding in my washer means that Brenna is back at home, in her own bed, not sleeping on hospital sheets that the nursing staff changes. The pile of Depends in the trash means that her foley catheter is out, she's home and she is getting back on track.

I'm supposed to be home today setting up these pins. I'm happy she is here to knock them down.