Yesterday was a tough day for Brenna with more nausea and a bad case of vomit hair. The tricky part with nausea and the aftereffects is that she can't shower for one more week, which leaves us with limited options for cleaning up. Daddy ran to Ace last night and we borrowed a shower chair from our next-door neighbor, Donna, and attempted our first trash bag shower. We cut a hole in the bag, sealed up the neck area securely with gorilla tape and showered away. She got a little bit damp on her back by her incision, but overall, I think it went really well and she was so happy to have clean hair again.
We hit a snag with getting Brenna's wheelchair from the medical supply company and I felt rage curl up and sprawl open inside of me like I haven't felt in a long time. I told Greg that right now I feel like Jekyll and Hyde with the lack of sleep and readjustment to being home. It was hard to listen to her ask for three days, "Wheelchair today?" and stare out the window, only to be told by the medical supply company that they had called and not been able to reach us and tried to deliver, but no one was home. It only rubbed salt in the wound for me to remember that I will most definitely be home for the next six weeks and I unleashed some of that on the poor supervisor that I spoke to on the phone. By ten o'clock, I finally felt a small amount of shame for my behavior, but more than shame, felt worry that this could be a new, not so improved version of myself. I lay in bed and wondered at what point I would be considered psychotic and where the borderline is for normal grumpiness versus a mental illness.
It had rained last night and the sun began to peek through the clouds after Sam and Emily left for school. Brenna had been begging to go on a walk, so we got her settled into her wheelchair and walked for 30 minutes around the neighborhood. I had been so afraid of facing 6 weeks or more of isolation-- friends at work and family a few hours away and just Brenna and I at home. But just a minute into our walk, we saw a neighbor out walking with her girls and God graciously provided adult conversation, just when I needed it most. A friend from work called and asked to come and have lunch with us today and friends from Dragonfly Dance came by to visit after school. Maybe it was finally having the wheelchair, maybe it was God's goodness to provide just what I needed when I needed it or maybe it was the vitamin D, but I actually smiled and felt happy.
Brenna begins homebound instruction on Monday and I am looking forward to stimulating her mind beyond reading to her and watching unhealthy amounts of Curious George, Mr. Bean and The Magic School Bus. She continues to get stronger everyday and now stands on her own whenever I leave the room. After I take a bathroom break, I never know where I'll find her: kneeling on the floor, in the kitchen attempting to retrieve an ice cube for her drink, or attempting to play outside. It reminds me of the toddler years, so we are limiting Mom's fluid intake and hoping Brenna continues to make gains with her balance so that I can use the bathroom during daytime hours very soon. Until then, I am seriously contemplating using Brenna's Depends.
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